THE patriotism that is always burning in Muckraker’s bones is demanding that he does his patriotic duty of forcefully demanding that this country — well, this sorry apology for one — be re-named after its great conqueror, the Owner.
Just as it was previously named Rhodesia after its former conqueror Cecil John Rhodes, Muck is of the violent patriotic opinion that to ensure there are no debates or doubts whatsoever in the future about the Owner’s achievement of owning a whole country, the victim country should simply be named after him . . . the Personal Republic of Troublesome . . . Dambudzo.
And troublesome . . . at least now we can have a clue as to the origins of the nom de guerre Trabablas! This is now the official name of the supposed US$88 million interchange that is always nearing completion at Mbudzi . . .
Immortal Trabablas!
Trabablas Interchange. Yes, a whole Cabinet sat to deliberate on that! Please don’t ask Muck why detractors are so rude as to suggest that a squad of drunken monkeys can do a better job!
Anyway, having already named almost everything after himself, would only be most befitting if the Owner would end the show by naming the country – his estate – after himself!
A few years ago, while touring some dead factories in Bulawayo that were supposedly resurrecting under the fictional charm of the Second Republic, the Owner sadly hinted to the harsh reality that he will not be around in the next 30 years . . . he said he would be gone . . . an admission of his own mortality.
But before that end arrives, some ambitious humans are known to try and immortalise themselves as much as they can . . . sometimes even going to comical extents.
Muck is reminded of this folk tale about how, in a certain kingdom, an elephant was thoroughly peeved by the fact that a landmark feature – the only passage through a formidable mountain range – was named after a skunk that legend claimed had died there many generations previously . . . the passage became associated with the skunk, Mupata waChidembo.
In pursuit of its own immortality, the elephant – always spurred by his oversized sense of self-importance – decided that it was also going to die on that passage, so that the name could change.
And it boldly did die on the passage. Word quickly spread that there was a dead elephant on the passage of the skunk . . . and people mobilised each other and rushed there to cut and carry away as much meat at they could. But after that, sadly nothing changed about the place’s name, it continued to be the passage of the skunk!
Muck just wonders how many people from Masvingo and other Zimbos would transfer from calling the place paMbudzi, or kwaBoka, the interchangeable names that they gave the place on their own, to Trabablas Interchange?
In which case Muck has a patriotic suggestion. The Cabinet that made this decision should also follow up to pass a law that anyone who continues using the old names should be jailed without trial!
So much about the blind quest for immortality!
Democracy cornerstone!
Zimbabweans should be grateful that Cde Jacob Francis Nzwidamilimo Mudenda, super-patriotic as he has always been, is ever ready to do the country proud. Available to serve them in whatever capacity that the owners of the country deploy him, he is always excelling.
As the Speaker of Parliament, his most recent star performance was in cahoots with Cde Sengezo Tshabangu in ensuring that the opposition Citizens Coalition for Change ends up in the back-pocket of the Owner.
What an achievement by the former chairperson of the Zimbabwean Human Rights Commission!
So, last week the Sadc Parliamentary Forum (Sadc-PF) finally noticed these grand achievements and dutifully awarded Cde Mudenda the Grand Defender of Democracy award for “the unflinching dedicated service, unwavering commitment to duty and iconic visionary leadership”.
While Zimbos are rightly celebrating this historic achievement, there is never shortage of killjoys lurking in the background. Let Muck warn those who still care to continue reading that in their reading they may come across something like this in a certain illicit publication titled Breaking the Silence: “While 5 Brigade largely failed in its attempt to change people’s political allegiance by repression, as is evidenced by the 1985 election results, subsequent ongoing political violence continued to paralyse elected rural Zapu leaders and led to much distrust at development efforts.
“The victory of Zapu in the January 1985 district council elections brought punishment in its wake. In Nkayi, the Zanu PF youth and soldiers assaulted the DA, councillors, and council and hospital staff under the watchful eye of provincial governor (Cde Jacob) Mudenda . . .”
So much about Grand Defence of Democracy!
Anyway, these are malicious lies meant to besmirch the otherwise squeaky-clean track record of this loyal servant of the people.
We have no doubt what-so-ever that the hard-working lawyer — whose respect for democracy and human rights is beyond reproach — is keeping his legal options open. Nxa-a!
Damage control
O
ne thing that still sustains Muck in this morass of hopelessness is that the misrulers still have some sense of shame left in them . . . they still feel embarrassed by some of the things that they do.
The embarrassing story of Cde Zenzo Ngwenya, a former Zimpapers manager, who was sent on retirement empty-handed in March after serving the propaganda group for 45 years appeared to have haunted the group for the past ten months until it was decided to do some damage control last week.
Ngwenya was summonsed to a hardware shop where he was photographed while appearing to be receiving a generous gift . . . all in an attempt to make the factual empty-handed story appear like a falsity. An accompanying longish feature story claimed that upon his retirement, Ngwenya was generously blessed with a blank cheque of mining equipment “of his choosing”.
While the story talks about the wonders the fictious equipment was doing for Ngwenya as his unnameable friend at their mine in Bubi, in the picture in which Ngwenya is made to appear like he was being gifted a grinding mill – also by the generous group – he doesn’t look like someone overwhelmed with joy. Instead it is very clear that he was overwhelmed with grief and fear . . . exposing the poor cook-up for what it was.
Still on damage control, after a picture of the current settings at the ICU ward at Rusape General Hospital where patients are being put on the floor went viral on the social media, government spin-nurse, Cde Ndabaningi Mangwana tried to do some desperate fire-fighting.
He tried to convince Zimbos that the patient in particular suffered from a condition that makes them restless and agitated, resulting in a decision to put them on a mattress on the floor. He threatened that the hospital would be issuing its own denial in due course . . . it never came!
This shows that these people can still get ashamed . . . there are still some dregs of hope . . . at least for now!
