MUCK, like most Zimbabweans, has spent the past few weeks wondering about today, when our owners are set to unveil their latest iteration of the local currency.
On April Fool’s Day, comedian Carl Joshua Ncube tried his best to prepare us for the worst with his artificial intelligence generated images of what the new currency could look like.
It did not help, because the ‘currency images’ looked like screenshots from a 1980s horror movie, made by a spiteful god as he sarcastically asked: Saka muchaitei? (So, what will you do?).
Muck has to get this off his chest - this government’s incompetence; otherwise it is going to eat him alive.
It is the same story with our owners: the temptation to turn to the printing press to fund capital expenditure, higher salaries for government workers, buy new vehicles for chefs and chiefs or to curry favour with the political allies – and always with disastrous economic consequences.
Our owners just do not have the fiscal and monetary discipline to keep things on an even keel. In fact, the move to allow US dollar allowances and letting retailers to trade in forex a few years ago simply set the newly reintroduced Zimdollar to fail.
After another controversial election in August last year and subsequent political developments, there is a general collapse in confidence in Zimbabwe’s political leaders.
The failure to follow through on promised political and economic reforms has meant that Zimbabwe could not win debt relief or meaningful credit, both of which would have helped support the Zimdollar.
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Add rising corruption in the public sector to the mix then you have ingredients for undermining any currency, eroding any remaining market confidence in the government’s ability to manage the situation.
So, what hope does this new ‘structured currency’ have of lasting the distance? Not a snowball’s chance in hell, Muck dares say.
Because all the issues above are still ongoing.
With the next scheduled election in 2028, and there is no political solution on the horizon and if any third term noises are anything to go by, Zimbabweans are in for another rough ride.
While it is not in dispute that as Zimbabwe, we do need our own currency, the problem is the people in charge of it.
Muck cannot wait to see how the ‘structured currency deals’ with the myriad of challenges in the economy, especially seeing we are inching back to 2008 when one needed a wheelbarrow of the highest denomination notes to buy a loaf of bread.
Our current owner and his team just do not inspire confidence in any kind of local currency.
He sees himself as a transformational leader, but is the opposite.
That is enough to bomb any local currency.
Zimbabweans, of course, rushed to the safety of the US dollar to avoid losing more savings in the currency re-branding.
While officially trading at ZW$22 500 to the greenback, to show losses of about 74% since the start of the year, the rate was much steeper in a more realistic black market, where it traded at ZW$42 000.
Green bombers
The Herald of Absolute Truth was at it this week, telling us that the infamous National Youth Service, popularly known as the Border Gezi youth militia or green bombers, is set to be revived, to ‘instill nation-building’ ethos.
The revival of the militia, we were told, was because the government was moving to ‘inculcate a culture of service, constructive participation of youths in nation-building activities, and the need to keep youths away from societal ills, such as drugs and substance abuse resulting from idleness.’
Muck has to give kudos to the editors who are working hard to justify a programme whose biggest achievement has been creating a violent youth that shamed even its most depraved creators.
In its previous iteration, the militia unleashed terror on civilians not aligned with the ruling party and was blight on the last two decades of late former president Robert Mugabe's rule. The programme also suffered from chronic underfunding, leading to the youths being used by whoever had the money as political muscle.
So, even as the government struggles to pay its workers a living wage, why prioritise the creation of a militia that basically is for self-aggrandisement?
Ah, Muck knows: The push for a third term!
But, why do Zimbabwe’s youths need indoctrination in ‘nation building ethos and patriotism’ as defined by our owner regularly? And why are children of top government officials never enrolled in the militia?
Teen pregnancies, mbingas
Speaking of youths, Muck was amused and saddened by what is happening among our young people.
According to a report in one of our scandal mongering dailies, a group of young people from Harare’s Amsterdam Park have launched a campaign to reduce teenage pregnancies and general delinquency among their kind.
“The prevalence of child marriages has become a disturbing trend, with poverty being a leading factor, which is driving young girls into early unions,” one organiser was quoted as saying.
“We recognised the urgent need to address these issues affecting our community. As young people, we believe that taking the initiative will leave a lasting impact and create a brighter future for our colleagues.
“We want to create a safe and supportive environment for young people, where they have access to information, resources and opportunities that can help them make informed decisions about their lives.”
That has left Muck wondering: What chance do these young people have when older men and mbingas like Zanu PF-aligned cleric Obadiah Musindo, who is the founder of Destiny for Africa Network, gets engaged to a 22-year-old woman, young enough to be his granddaughter?
Musindo’s response to the doubters was classic: “No one can force me to marry a number to say marry this 35-year-old. I’m not marrying for people; I’m marrying for myself. I’m following my heart and those who are criticising -- ‘Hee she’s young. Here she is. Obadiah is 70’. I’m not 70 years old. But I tell you the truth; this is what I get from people everywhere I go that I look 10 years younger!"
