WHAT to do about Zimbabwe’s free-falling currency? Nothing, the authorities seem to have decided. This week, the currency traded at ZW$21 700 to the greenback officially and is on course to breach the ZW$22 000 mark by the time Easter comes, reflecting cumulative losses of over 70% since the start of the year, and keeping its crown as the worst performing currency in the world.
Authorities have simply decided to let the currency slide. Why waste energy resurrecting a currency already doomed to insignificance since its re-introduction in June 2019? Instead, they are cooking up a new recipe for disaster: a currency backed by gold, according to reports. This would make Zimbabwe the only country to have such an innovation of “MthuliEconomics 101”.
After watching the Finance minister’s performance in the past five years, most businesses have simply abandoned the Zimdollar. Would you stack hope on the lot running the Treasury after such an abysmal track record?
Unlovable Sir Wicknell
According to a local scandal mongering daily, all is not well in the paradise of Wicknell Chivayo. To celebrate his birthday recently, it reports that Chivayo posted that his two children were the only ones who really loved him “without any strings or expectations of financial benefits”.
“The rest makateya mari ndiri kukuzivayi hangu (The rest of you are after my money, I know you),” he allegedly wrote.
That must be difficult for the man who has spent millions of United States dollars buying flashy cars for anyone that passes for a musician. Even Madzibaba Nicholas Zakaria was blessed with a brand new 2024 Toyota Fortuner 2.8D 4×4 GD6 vehicle.
How can anyone fail to love such a man?
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But then this week, news broke that his marriage to Sonja Madzikanda had broken down after seven years. The man himself did not seem bothered and on Tuesday, donated a new car to another musician, Sniper Storm.
Reports suggest his lack of concern may stem from the fact he is already enjoying playing the field as a single man. In an Instagram story, Wicknell revealed that after the divorce, he wants to marry more than 12 wives, to surpass the dozen his grandfather had.
What it is to be Wicknell!
Enter Sonja Madzikanda
But, in a week that the World Food Programme revealed that over a third of Zimbabwe’s population — 5,4 million — is facing hunger as the country battles a free-falling local currency and an El Niño-induced drought, the biggest story was speculation over how much Madzikanda will get from Wicknell after the end of their seven-year union.
Reports suggest that Chivayo paid a bride price of US$50 000 in 2017, and the intervening years have seen Wicknell buy more fancy cars to stock in his garage.
Sonja herself fanned the flames, after she took to Instagram to reveal that her marriage to Sir Wicknell has collapsed: “Myself and Wicknell are no longer together, we haven’t been together for a while. It will just be made official, I think, probably it is just going to be more official and direct on the first of May.
“There are just a few things we need to iron out and we are still gonna be going back and forth about it, but those people who know, know.
“So, all I can say, is he can do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants. He is allowed to do that as a single guy and I am also single.
“We still here, I am still gonna be John and Minana’s mom and I am sure Wicknell will still be a good dad to them.”
How much is she going to get, damn it, the scandal mongering daily asked.
“Generally, marriages in Zimbabwe are out of community of property, but when making a claim she will have to consider what they acquired during their marriage,” a lawyer opined to the daily.
“For example, if the assets they have, including the top-of-the-range cars, are registered in a company’s name and she can claim if she has shares in the company.
“In the event they are registered in his name, she can still claim from the basis that the assets were acquired through a partnership. She must, however, be able to prove, the role she played in the acquisition of those assets and if they have multiple properties, there is a chance that she can get the matrimonial home and he keeps the rest of the properties.”
Well, no one still has an idea, leaving the nation enthralled at the unfolding drama.
Justice, what justice?
In news that shocked no one, the court this week removed 13 supporters of the reeling Zanu PF party who were being accused of killing the “Chinhu Changu Chete” (CCC) activist Tinashe Chitsunge from remand because the state failed to bring any witness since the matter was brought to court.
We all remember the gruesome pictures of Chitsunge, lying in the street after a violent attack from the Zany party mob, in the afternoon of August 3, 2023. The mob was at the time assailing opposition activists, who had gathered to hold a rally. The Zany mob had decided they also wanted to hold a rally at the same spot.
How could there not have been witnesses to a murder committed at a political rally? That smacks of incompetence by the state or gross dereliction of duty.
So, Harare magistrate Simon Kandiyero let the suspects walk free. The courts cannot be seen to be holding to account reeling party members following their leadership’s direction to “crush the opposition like lice”.
But of course, the Herald of Absolute Truth had reported “after investigations” that Chitsunge had been “run over by a truck” despite videos and pictures of the incident showing otherwise.
Meanwhile, former opposition legislator Job Sikhala spent 595 days for speaking at the funeral of murdered CCC activist, Moreblessing Ali.
Justice is only for those not connected to the system, the povo can forget.
Chitimbe’s Holy Grail
Speaking of CCC, Muck was shocked to hear of a new party called Changu Chimuti Chikapinda Chapinda (CCCC). Its leader, one David Chitimbe, clearly has a morbid sense of humour. He apparently failed to contest for the Mabvuku-Tafara by-election in December last year due to lack of funds.
He has shifted attention to the Harare East by-election, but his poor pockets mean he will miss out again. In a video that went viral on social media, he lambasts the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission for charging exorbitant nomination fees.
Also, he does not bother to explain how he qualifies to contest in Harare East after the Mabvuku-Tafara fiasco. Muck cannot fault the man for lack of trying: evidence shows that being in the National Assembly is as close to the Holy Grail as it can get in this country.
Can Muck suggest an ode to Wicknell? That might solve his problems once and for all.
