We thought we had seen it all in Africa. The continental parliament has hired services of the spiritual crook. A man who demanded US$200 000 access fee to see President Mnangagwa.
It's yet another dubious appointment for Uebert 'Gold Mafia' Angel. And we thought the Pan-African parliament's business was a legislative one, making sure that principled leaders are part of it.
While other likeminded institutions around the world are doing better and putting ideas first, here we are busy seeking spiritual guidance from a confirmed thief and fraudster.
Blessed with multiple identities and fake qualifications, the man keeps rising.
But what do we expect from a congregation that is led by a man who drove over 89 kilometres to solicit a kiss from a relative? African leaders never disappoint in disappointing the very people they lead and then start blaming colonisation and white privilege.
But we appoint thieves and sangomas into decision making positions on our own.
We invite corruption, reward it, then glorify it.
Easy come easy go
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Finally,the men behind magic money are behind bars. Zimbabweans love 'kufemberamari.' They invested in a cloud bank somewhere owned by a Chinese and some Zimbabweans and expected profits in a few hours. But the whole system collapsed and of course, the money disappeared.
We are told two so-called celebrities popularised the scam and encouraged their legion of fans to join. A man called Mama Vee and controversial Madam Boss advertised or maybe part of it.
We are told ZhaoJiaotong, the mastermind suddenly doesn't understand English in court, but was doing all transactions and communicating with clients in the language of King Charles III.
Just let Zanu PF be ZRP
This week tourism deputy minister Barbra Rwodzi was exposed for interfering with police business simply because she is among the chosen few who are responsible for making the laws that govern the operations of law enforcement agencies.
Well, she did what most Zanu PF members do, only that she was recorded and exposed.
Reports say the principled police officer has been transferred from Charandura Police Station in Chirumhanzu to Shurugwi. Powerful grieving widow she is. “I know your mandate, l create the laws. You hear me? I know your mandate more than you do.
You’re a stupid idiot, l will deal with you. I will finish this with you in front of [Police Commissioner General Godwin] Matanga, you’re an idiot… You think CCC will win? You’re a dog! You’re a dog! Go and file a complaint wherever you want, you’re a dog. Stupid!”
Some choice language from the honourable minister.
All she did was reinforce a public secret that the police are controlled from the Shake Shake building.
May without weather
We briefly took a semi-retired American boxer and took him on a tour of the dusty streets of Mabvuku suburb in Harare. Muckraker is sure by now he has borrowed Caesar's punch line: 'I came, I saw, I conquered.'
He came to Zimbabwe on a private jet, getting paid millions of dollars for touring a dusty suburb with only a road leading to the public stadium under reconstruction.
Maybe elections should just come yearly so we can have those bidding to rule us can fix a few more roads for when they come to buy a few `beers for the unemployed youths. Clearly, there was nothing else for ‘Money’ Mayweather to do with his earnings from the Zimbabwe sojourn, even a US$6 from Mereki!
As soon as he hopped across the border, he dropped US$7 million in a Gucci store! We need to do better clearly.
Media for national events
Well, the so-called Second Republic has lived to its promise of intolerance as the private media was chased from covering the commissioning of the new Robert Gabriel Mugabe (RGM) International Airport terminal by the Number 1 citizen in the country.
Just when we thought we have national projects that deserve to be covered by all media in Zimbabwe.
During World Press Freedom Day commemoration in May this year, Information Minister Monica Mutsvangwa shouted government’s commitment to protection of media freedoms.
“The Second Republic observes the freedom of expression as enshrined in Article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and Constitution of Zimbabwe Section 61. We are aware that as Zimbabwe it is our responsibility to reassert the importance of the media in upholding other human rights, as they serve as watchdogs, exposing social, economic inequalities and violations of human rights through accurate, ethical and balanced reporting," Mutsvangwa said. Talk about the left ear blocking what the right ear is hearing.
On a wing and a prayer
Muckraker has never seen such a frightened ruling party which claims to have done good such that it deserves five more years, and then spends so much energy trying to obfuscate anything said by the opposition.
If the zany party was any good, should it not be spending its energies trumpeting its successes. It has no game, no manifesto, and after an underwhelming last five years, has gone into its default setting of just bludgeoning suspected opposition supporters. It worked before, and should work again, goes the spin.
At the launch of the ChinhuChanguChete (CCC) campaign in Gweru last weekend, The Herald of Absolute Truth reported that opposition leader "Chamisa was full of his same old criticism of the Second Republic and the ruling party Zanu PF without offering alternative solutions."
“Mr Chamisa is turning a blind eye on the successes brought by the Second Republic under President Mnangagwa's leadership said the country was not developing."
Maybe they attended an alternative rally. Even if Chamisa had spelt the alternatives, were they going to write about them objectively?
The Twitter handle of that Chronicle of Imagined Realities hurriedly handle deleted pictures of the huge crowds that thronged Mkoba Stadium in Gweru of their own volition, without Zupco busses or the promise of fried chicken.
No wonder ChinhuChanguChete seems to drive the zany party catatonic.
